"I tell you that I wanna go, but I wanna stay"

Listen, hark! out in the dark
A mockingbird in the tall oak tree
Busts his throat on a high sweet note
Nobody knows he's there but me.


From "Solitary Singer" by Ahn Trio
Lately I've been indulging one of my greater obsessions, that is, reading about and watching movies dealing with British history. Why? Search me, other than I like the eye candy of the beautiful costumes and looking at the vast differences in culture between modern American society (well, from the places where I've lived, that is) in contrast with the Regency, Victorian or Edwardian periods. Then, of course, the Georgian one(s). There are others, of course (let's not forget my love of all things Henry VIII, more specifically, the wives).

Then I recently saw Winter's Bone, which is another sharp contrast from my obsession with the Brit history. So incredibly bleak, for the majority, anyway. I really found myself with a huge respect for the heroine, the 17-year-old Ree Dolly who is forced to quit high school to care for her catatonically depressed mother and her two younger siblings, while her meth-head dad is off god knows where. The story also reminded me of a Law & Order story, where instead of the NYPD it's a Missouri teenager in the role of detective in a hostile crowd of people who have no inclination to talk, relatives or not. Anyway, I was really glad that the little movie that could got recognition from award committees or else I never would have heard of it.


What else? Oh yeah, I've been writing a lot. Lots of stuff in Malibu, and then some stuff here and there. I've been looking for a gig here, a gig there, shooting my lance freely. Sometimes when I think of freelancing, it seems like a fancy way of saying "yeah, I'm unemployed." Sometimes I wonder if it's called freelancing because it actually means "for free." Truthfully, I'm way too flighty to be dedicated to one place. I'd go insane. Maybe that's why I decided to study a subject that would almost assure I'd be spending my life living in a cardboard box? OK, not really...maybe I'll be the next Stephen King or John Grisham.
...HA.


*Stretch*

Been riding the horse a lot lately, and it has been going well. I've been trying to keep it on the down low, despite wanting to go to the horse shows. Alas, lack of funds and not wanting the horse to be seen and thus more likely being sold keeps my whims in check. Usually. I'm more prone to following my whims than logic, at times, depending on my mood.

It's so fun bringing along the adolescent horses and their progress from week to week. Also, you learn so much more by training a young horse than hopping on a "made" animal. And anyway, I should add that this horse was already, I suppose, installed with the right elements that would ensure he'd be golden if trained properly. Excellent breeding, conformation and health just mean the humans have to be dedicated in order to make the right package. I've been working at it a lot, despite the frustration that pops up from time to time...not to mention the occasional concussion from being bucked off into next year. Seems, though, that unless I pull a Christopher Reeve or have a rotational fall (unlikely) that I'll get back on and tinker around. Not to mention I can be so insanely determined that if I think a challenge is almost too much, I plunge ahead relentlessly in order to get what I want. That's probably what drives me more than anything, my desire to get what I want. Mwahaha!


But yeah. Horse = good. I'll go buy lottery tickets on the off chance I'll be able to get him, myself. :-D

What else? Well, I'm not entirely sure why I'm awake, other than because of insomnia. Oh, that reminds me: I got my blood panel back, and I do not have a jacked up thyroid. I'm healthy as a (GONG) horse. *slaps knee* In fact, my blood panel shows I was within normal range for every category. Not that I wanted to have to deal with hypothyroidism the rest of my life, but it would explain my inability to sleep the night. I shall content myself with the fact that I'm normal as far as my bodily systems are concerned. In the head, well, I can't vouch for that.

I'm bored. I'm gonna go watch some more Pride & Prejudice then possibly sleep.

The End of an (Ambien) Era

The good doctor (who wears a monocle, at least in my mind) --


has cut me off from my supply of Ambien. Let us bow our heads.

Look, I was asked to model! I figured facing away from the camera in the fetal position would truly convey the angst and suffering of such an affliction.


...Actually, truth be told, I wasn't asked to be the model, I just have a chip on my shoulder that I wasn't given the job. *sulks*

Why is that, doth ye ask? Let me not use words, but this cartoon, to explain:

OK, enough with the freaking pictures. So yeah, no more of them pills. I was getting too whacked out while taking them, since they didn't help me sleep so much as go on some sort of a PG-rated acid trip. I'm often up late at night reading or watching a movie or in the midst of some other time wasting activity, and I'd start seeing things and being in some sort of a trance. Nothing like a talking walrus (shame), just like I was in a snow globe or something and I couldn't see clearly through the fog. It was kind of fun to take the trip into La La Land, but oh well.

Am I a hypochondriac? Oh well. It's fun to say you're afflicted with an odd...affliction. I watch a lot of Intervention, afterall.

Hum dee dum, what else? Oh yeah, speaking of weird illnesses, my cat has something called FORL - Feline Oral Resorptive Lesions. She had some disgusting receding gumline issues and it looked like her molars were disintegrating, somehow, which I was totally unaware of until the vet told me I should be brushing the cat's teeth. Uh, right. Anybody tried to give a cat pills? You're lucky if you can toss something down their gullet, let alone get them to sit patiently while foreign objects are polishing the chompers.
And it gets more dramatic! She had to go in for extractions, so she is now sans 2 of her molars. Poor cat. The good news is that she won't be in as much pain and she can eat around the yanked out teeth; the bad news is its a progressive disease with an undetermined prognosis. Shrug. She's 8 years old, so we'll see what happens.

The equine is doing well. Let's leave it there so I don't get in trouble because of my propensity for overshares for animals I don't own, but merely have the good fortune to ride/help train. =D

I'm fading, too, so it's not like I'm going to say anything that makes much sense.
The end...I'm off to dream of walruses!